What Is Fair???

If you're a parent, you have probably heard the words, "It's NOT FAIR" a few times.... or, a few hundred times. Many times, by their definition, they are right, "IT" isn't fair. To many of us, especially as children, the word fair implies that things are equal. However, if one looks up fair at dictionary.com, we get a definition that doesn't even seem to apply in the way that kids use it. 

I suppose, the closest meaning would be the first, "free from bias." However, children generally use fair  to mean equal or everything being the same. When my children start the "it's not fair" chant, I remind them that I do not define fair, as meaning that everyone gets the same thing. For me, fair is more like the dictionary.com definition of equitable which is more about justice and being reasonable. Actually, what I say to them is (while watching their eyes roll) "Fair is not when everyone gets the same thing. Fair is when everyone gets what they need." And, I mean it! 


At work, I try to help my students have a fair existence. They don't have designer ANYthing. Most of them have one uniform shirt, one pair of shoes, one pair of pants, shorts, etc. Their families don't know where the next meal is coming from and their lives are chaos. My goal, at work, is to eliminate those outside stressors, hopefully, leveling the playing field at school. Is it fair that I give them shoes, winter coats, etc?  Not in the sense that children would use the word. I don't give EVERY one of them a winter coat, or shoes, etc. Instead, I ask them what they need and try to fill that need. All of the students in my school (not just those that I teach) know that they can come to my room to get clothing items and toiletries, as needed. If I don't have what they need, I will work to get it for them. That might mean that I have to go to a thrift store and buy it, out of pocket, or ask a charitable organization, like, Wear N Share. They are an amazing, local, organization that collects hand-me-downs and re-distributes them to students like mine. 


So, let me get to the point (Finally!) Academically, I want things to be equitable for my son. I want him to get what he NEEDS. I know that he is getting what he needs when I see him thrive. In his public school he did not thrive. In fact, his reading level decreased while using their specialized plan for him. The school no longer had faith in his ability to learn, despite the fact that he is very bright.  So, we took a chance and sent him to Gow. There, he flourished. He is a new man, in almost every sense of the word. He WILL do great things, but we have to remain vigilant. 


We will have to diligently fundraise for the rest of his high school career.  As I have mentioned, asking for money, from the public is a humbling experience. I look around and there is so much need in this world- (like my students)- that I find it difficult to ask people for money to help Zack stay in a private school. But, ask, I shall because it is what he needs. It would give him a fair education and I'm all about being fair.

Visit our fundraising website to see a video of Zack~  http://www.indiegogo.com/ZackGow?a=740312

Oh, here's a video that Zack and a classmate made for their reconstructive language class. I believe that the process is part of the multi-sensory program that helps the kids learn well.  http://www.youtube.com/my_videos_edit?ns=1&feature=vm&video_id=aa5jUqfUOzU

Beg, Borrow and Steal (& a CSE Update)

Parenthood is such an adventure. Our parenting styles differ as much as our personalities. Reflecting on my parenting career, I think about the "burning" questions that people have asked, such as, "are you going to find out the baby's sex," "Do you have a birth plan," "Cloth diapers or disposables," and my favorite...

"What would you do without or sacrifice for your child?" Throughout my kids' lives, I have given up the obvious things: alcohol during pregnancy, sleep (while nursing,) trading quiet time for back to back soccer games, etc.

It really wasn't until we started down the road of getting Zack diagnosed with dyslexia that I really understood what it meant to sacrifice for my child. As a teacher, I am used to being grilled by parents and being in the "power position." As a teacher, I always wanted my students' parents to be involved in their child's education. Of course, there were times that a parent crossed the boundary between reasonable request and petulant demand but, even then, I was glad that they cared enough to seek me out.   Our school district is supposed to be one of the best in the area, but they were very resistant to the idea of testing our son. I won't re-hash it, but if you are interested in reading about that experience, you can do so here.  When I was in the "parent" position, it was very difficult for me to ask questions, seek support and, in the end, make petulant demands that my child receive the services that he deserved.

Now, I find myself in the least "comfortable" parental position ever.  I know what he needs. I know where he can get it. The only challenge that I face is a matter of finances. Neither P nor I come from families of wealth. I teach in a public school system that has not given teachers a "raise" since 2004- and even then it didn't make up the gap since the previous raise in 1998. I LOVE my students, but the pay does not give me great joy. P is self-employed and that means that our monthly income can fluctuate quite a bit. And, frankly, there has yet to be a month where we say "woo hoo, we have EXTRA money this month!"

So, here I am, looking down the barrel of four years of tuition at the school that will most benefit my child. I have asked myself, "what are you willing to give up/do for your child?" And, I feel like I have failed, before I've even gotten started. The annual tuition is more than I make, before taxes, annually. Even if P made the SAME amount that I do, we wouldn't have that much left over for tuition. The school has been generous with their financial aid, effectively cutting the tuition in half. Even with that generosity, we are looking at $2,000 per month, plus miscellaneous fees of about $3,500 annually. What would I do for my child? Anything. I have worked in an after school program. I have TRIED to get a job teaching summer school. I sell things on ebay. I sell things on Craig's List. I coupon to the point that we don't pay for toiletries. All of those things are good. But they are not enough.

I find myself envious of Z's classmates, whose families pay full tuition and even some who have more than one child at the school. I am angry at, what I perceive to be, a convoluted financial aid program at the school.  I filled out the paperwork. I turned in our tax returns. The magic financial aid website said that we should be able to afford "x" amount, but we are now expected to come up with 6x that amount. I want to stomp my feet and shout, "It's not fair!" Then I hear my own voice saying to my children, "life isn't fair." But, I also tell them that "Fair is not when everyone gets the same thing. Fair is when everyone gets what they NEED." And, by golly, Zack needs Gow.

An education at Gow is, as one friend put it, a game changer. It isn't a matter of life and death, but it has the potential to alter his life path, significantly. So, what will I do for my child? I  will beg, borrow and steal for him. I will take to the internet and pester every organization that I can find to give him a small scholarship. I will ask my friends to give $5 and spread the word of our mission. I will do ANYTHING  within my power to get him what he needs. I will HOPE. I will have FAITH. And, I will LOVE him unconditionally with the expectation that others will follow my lead.



PLEASE. If you are reading this blog (and I know there aren't many) PLEASE share this information with your friends. Help Zack get what he needs. His future depends on it.

His fundraising website is here.

Thank you!!!

UPDATE: On June 19, 2012, we had our annual IEP meeting with Clarence. They have come a long way towards meeting Zack's needs, but still aren't where they need to be to give him what Gow can. Unfortunately, they are not obligated to meet that standard. They are only obligated to provide him with a "Free and Appropriate Public Education." With their current offer/plan, Zack would get adaptive technology and resource room. He would have consultant teachers in the core classes and they said that they would give him an Orton-Gillingham program, daily. The O-G program would probably be Wilson or Sondae, both of which are good, but they don't even hold a candle to the RL program at Gow. Unfortunately, because they have worked to meet us halfway, we do not have a legal case against them. We have consulted an attorney who specializes in this area (their son also went to Gow) and they agree that it would not be wise to pursue a suit at this time. Our best option, for district reimbursement, would be to let Z go back to Clarence, watch him fail/lose ground, and then file suit for reimbursement. That's a big gamble to take with his life and we want to avoid doing so, if at all possible.

Hope is a Funny Thing....

Our little fundraising campaign is at $300! that might not seem like such a big deal to you, but it gives me hope that we can achieve our goal!  Just that little thread of hope makes me want to keep pushing, telling our story and trying to raise awareness about dyslexia.

It is my, sincere, hope that Zack's legacy will be more than just "making it" and graduating from The Gow School. I really hope that our experience with Gow will lead to changes in the public school system.

Knowing that 80% of "LD" labeled kids in public schools have dyslexia really makes me scratch my head. Even more astonishing is that (most) public schools use programs that are unproven, in terms of their benefit to dyslexic students- especially when there are several specific programs that really WOULD benefit them. At a time when school districts are laying teachers off, due to budget cuts, it seems, statistically, intelligent to implement a program that would benefit 80% of your LD students, as well as 100% of your gen ed students. Unfortunately, districts and school boards seem hell-bent on continuing down their, already-established, paths, using programs that are already paid for- even if they don't show themselves to be particularly helpful.

So, once we get Zack's education squared away, I will be on a mission to educate districts about the reality of their student populations and the benefit that ALL students will gain from using an Orton-Gillingham based program. Such programs, used early on in the introduction to phonics, etc. might reduce the need for the "one size fits most" programs that are unsuccessfully implemented in later years when that window of opportunity has narrowed.

As much as we love The Gow School (www.gow.org) and, believe me, we do, NO ONE should have to pay private boarding school tuition for an LD that impacts so much of the public school population. I hope that our experience will show public schools that adopting an o-g based curriculum is in the best interest of students and families in their community!

View Zack's video here:  $5 Can Help Our Young Einstein

Blowin' Up the Twittersphere!

My last post was kind of depressing and, definitely, defeatist. After a few days of wallowing, we are back on the "you can do it" bandwagon!

I joined twitter and am sending out as many tweets as I can, to as many people as I can, asking for $5 donations. Essentially, my thinking is that a whole bunch of $5 donations will add up to enough to make it happen for Zack. I am working on a new video for his fundraising website and hope to have it finished this afternoon. He is being such a good sport about conducting the interviews, considering that he is very uncomfortable in front of the camera!

At any rate, check me out on Twitter (@RebeccaLaczkows) and you will get updates, when we get donations!

UPDATE: Zack's new video is done- please check it out!  http://goo.gl/1LYwi

Good News! Bad News... :-(

In true "me" style, I finished up the 2011-2012 school year with a nasty bout of the flu. I'm not talking about "ugh, I don't feel good" but the real, honest-to-goodness flu! The Immediate Care people gave me the diagnosis about 24 hours before I started to feel better. Anyone know how to diagnose the flu?...

Anyone?....

Well, let me tell you. They take a 6" long flexible stick with a q-tip-type end and put that sucker all the way up your nostril, into your brain, until you gag and cough all over them. THEN, they take that thing out and stick it up the other nostril! What a nightmare!

So. I made it back to work for the very last day of school and was so glad to say goodbye for the summer and some, much needed, rest.

Jake finished the year on the Merit Roll and can officially say that he survived his first year in middle school. He has made new friends and is looking forward to swimming and doing a whole lotta nothing! 

Zack finished the year at Gow in the best way possible. He was awarded the David W. Gow award which is given to the middle school student who has set an example for the rest: academically, socially and athletically. He was bursting with pride as he walked up to the stage to get his trophy, and so was I.

And now, on to the bad news. It doesn't look like he will be able to go to Gow in the fall. My heart, absolutely, breaks to be typing those words. The truth of the matter is that we can't afford it. Not, as in, "Gee, if we send Z to Gow, we will have to put of the new kitchen until next year." We can't afford it, in a, "Gosh, I enjoy eating food and sleeping in a house" kind of way. The school was very generous with their financial aid offer and, while there's still the possibility of more, it is unlikely that we can make up the difference, even with the help of dear family and friends who have been SO generous in offers to help.

As a last-ditch effort, I have started a fundraising campaign on www.indiegogo.com. I figure that if they can raise $600,000 for a school bus aide, someone might want to help us, too. Zack made the video all on his own, although, I admit that I did re-write the cards because his handwriting is awful, LOL! At the very least, please click the link below and take a look at it!

Zack's You Tube Video

Ready for a Challenge...!....?

In one week, Zack will have finished his first year at The GOW School, which specializes in language based learning differences. In one year, we have watched him grow from a self-conscious, unsure, insecure boy into a confident, well-rounded, smiling young man. He is so proud of what he has accomplished (and rightly so) and no longer thinks of himself as a stupid kid who just can't learn.


If you've ever been in our position, you know what I'm talking about. Watching your child struggle, day in and day out, through 7 years of academics, breaks your heart. Yes, we are lucky because he is healthy and able bodied. I know that things can always be worse. But, as a Mother, it is gut wrenching to watch your happy, bright boy slowly lose self-worth because of something beyond his control.


For parents of an LD child, the "system" can be difficult, at best. Well-intentioned educators, psychologists and administrators offer one-stop-shopping solutions for an LD child, regardless of what they really require. This is not their sinister attempt to deny your child access to resources- although that is certainly how it feels. School systems, simply, have not recognized that language based disabilities make up the majority of their LD population.


Dyslexia is neurobiological in origin. Schools refer to Dyslexia an SLD (Specific Learning Disability) and define a Learning Disability as a disorder in one or more of the basic processes involved in understanding spoken or written language.  It may show up as a problem in listening, thinking, speaking, reading, writing, or spelling or in a person’s ability to do math, despite intelligence. The National Institute of Health's studies show that 80% of students with an LD have a form of Dyslexia, yet only one in ten students with Dyslexia get appropriate special education services. How is that possible that 80 students out of 100 have dyslexia, 8 of them are serviced with appropriate programs while the other  72 are placed in programs that don't address their needs, or ignored completely? Why is the majority of a school's special education funding devoted to programs that are destined to fail? It's mind boggling!


In our case, Zack has an above average IQ, but great difficulty matching sounds to symbols. When something is presented to him, orally, he remembers things very well. However, he has so much difficulty with decoding text that meaning is lost; Once he gets through decoding each word, he has forgotten what the string of words said and can't tell you anything about what he has read.  He also has great difficulty with note-taking because he does not have automatic recall of spelling, and can't reasonably sound out a word/string of words while continuing to listen to the teacher. In addition to those struggles, he lacked executive function/organizational skills. One teacher referred to him as a "nutty professor" running down the hall with papers appearing to jump from his being as he moved.


So, once we realized that his school was unable/unwilling to implement a program that would be effective, we elected to move Zack to Gow. The tuition at Gow is not cheap. It is, in fact, quite expensive and, for most families, unattainable. For Zack's first year at Gow, we took a gamble. We chose to spend the boys' college funds on ONE year at Gow, in hopes that we would be in a better financial situation, or eligible for more aid when the next year rolled around. Within a month, we knew that our gamble had paid off. Unfortunately, the return on that investment is not a financial one and we now face paying for another year, and then another after that, etc. with the goal of keeping him there through High School graduation. 


I am humbled when I contemplate finding the money for another year. The school has been generous with financial aid, but the balance owed would still be half of my net income. Our families have also been very generous, but they are also of limited resources. As I macabrely joked with admissions; I am running out of rich relatives who might leave me an inheritance. 


So, this is where I need some help, folks. I cannot bring myself to ask people for money, directly. However, I CAN bring myself to ask for fundraising ideas, or contacts/connections to people who might be able to offer help, in any capacity, in our endeavor to keep Zack where he belongs. I would do anything for him, and am at a loss. Please repost this blog on your wall so that your friends see it and pass it on to their friends, etc. With that act of good will, I have to have faith that we will be connected to someone who can help. Heck, we will even sell "ad space" on Zack's forehead for the right price! (kidding!)


Please consider helping us with a posting chain. It won't cost anything and has the potential to make a HUGE difference in a young man's life.


xoxo
Becky

A Mom's Mom....

I deviate, today, from my dyslexia rants, to tell you about someone very dear to me. My Mother-in-Law was one of a kind. She passed on last week and, while I am heartbroken for those of us who are left behind, I am so happy that she is no longer locked inside of the physical body that betrayed her for so many years.


I remember, quite clearly, the first time I met, Mom. Dear Hubby (DH) brought me home to meet her while Dad was at work, so it was just the three of us and the adorable cockapoo, "Cupcake." Mom was very subtle in her appraisal of my appearance- just a quick glance up and down. The only other thing I remember is that when we left, she said, "I hope to see you again soon!" Misguided and young as I was, I thought it was my sparkling personality that won her over. As it turns out, DH had brought home a few women that Mom didn't care much for (she called one of them, "The Amazon"), and she was glad to see someone else, LOL! Regardless, just like that, I was relieved and felt welcome even though we'd only been there for half an hour. That pretty much sums up my relationship with Mom. She never met a stranger- taking in strays (animals, family friends and future daughter-in-laws) treating them with dignity and respect, always making sure that they were well-fed. 


This is not to say that she didn't make me crazy. Of COURSE she did- that was her duty as a mother-in-law! However, she was always well-meaning and I eventually learned to nod, smile and then do what I pleased (generally discovering that she'd been right all along, darnit.) 


Below is the small piece that I put in her memorial booklet. I put it here on my blog to honor her memory, publicly (for the 6 people that read it, LOL!)

Trying to summarize Mom in one neat, tidy paragraph is nearly impossible. Very early into my “Laczkowski experience” (and it has been an experience) I learned that she was never without words- even if she had to make them up. My favorite "Patsyism" is probably "discombooberated" which is loosely related to discombobulated for the rest of us. I can honestly say that my Mother in Law was probably (after my own parents) the most important teacher I have ever had. While she relished in telling me how things should be done, the real lessons I took from her, came from watching how she conducted herself in daily life. Here are just a few of those lessons:

1.     It is important to laugh. A lot. A WHOLE lot. Especially when what you really want to do is cry. Even on her last day on earth, Mom turned tears into laughter with just a word. She knew that laughter could make almost any situation better.

2.    Marriage takes cultivation.  It was rare for Mom to say "no" to a request for watching the grandchildren (much to Dad's chagrin.)  She would often say that date night was very important because it kept the relationship alive. After all, if you don't feed the relationship, "when your kids grow up and move out, you won't have anything to say to each other."

3.    Life isn't fair. I spent (too) many years lamenting about various issues in my life. Mom would always lend a sympathetic ear, giving kind responses, find humor in the situation but in the end, she would find a way to gently (or not) remind me that life isn't fair and that I seem to be getting along just fine, so, I should probably just get over it!

4.    Kids are pretty resilient- parenting doesn't come with a manual, but it's pretty tough to get it wrong if you're using common sense. Her favorite story, on this vein, was the time that the pediatrician came to the house to check on, newborn, Jay. He watched Mom timidly change a diaper and, frustrated with her delicate touch (she said she was petrified) he picked Jay up by the feet and swung him back and forth a few times, proving that the kid wouldn't break. 

5.    You can teach an old dog new tricks- IF the dog wants to learn. I knew Mom for 20 years and for the first 17, or so, she was a smoker. For her, smoking was more than a habit, or even an addiction. Somehow, smoking was associated with stability and calm, for her. Of course, it was the bane of the family's existence- it made our clothes smell, our eyes burn and we had the urge to step out for fresh air every 10 minutes. There's probably not a person here who didn't "suggest" (or beg) that she stop smoking, but she was adamant that she really enjoyed it. Fortunately, two years ago, something changed for her. After an intense hospitalization, she decided to quit…. Cold turkey. And that was it! As far as I know, she never had another cigarette. Of course, she did not magically become a well woman, but she stopped having coughing fits and her overall health did improve. Most importantly, I believe that quitting gave us an extra year with her and that gift was priceless.