The Boy (and his books) I Have Loved

As I sat, this morning, groggily trying to wake up, I started thinking back to Zack's early interactions with books. When he was a tiny little boy, each night, I would rock him in our rocking chair and read two stories: Pat The Bunny and Good Night Moon. I loved singing the words to him, guiding his hand to touch the pages of Pat The Bunny.

Good Night Moon was less tactile, but even more fun to sing-song to him.

That poor copy of Pat The Bunny practically disintegrated at the end. I think I still have the copy of Goodnight Moon for my classroom collection- those board books are pretty hearty!

We enjoyed many, many books together over the years but, really, he was never interested in sitting down and reading with me. Before he went to kindergarten, he learned his alphabet and we started working on that sound-letter correlation thing but he didn't seem to fully grasp it. Red flags should have been going up, but he was my first and I had no idea what he "should" be able to do, etc.

So, when we tried this fun series from the library..

I found myself confused about why he didn't seem to be catching on. The guilty Mom in me can still hear him repeating the words half a beat behind me because he knew he couldn't decipher it and I wanted him to SO badly. The sound of him saying "beeper" will stay with me forever. He was such a "people pleaser"- even at 4.

In his first few years of school, he really didn't care one way or the other about reading. He had an easygoing personality and made friends with all of the kids in his room. His teachers loved him- who wouldn't? He was always cooperative, although easily distracted and slow on writing assignments. But, he was not retained because he was "just immature" and would "grow out of it."

As he grew, we saw inconsistency in his abilities to read and write. Instead of asking what the problem was, we blamed him for not trying. Fortunately, there have been moments of comic relief here and there, like in Kindergarten when he made this book for me:

Cute, right? But, wait.... this is my favorite page....

Ahem. In case you can't decipher it: "My Mother looks prettiest when she plays spin the bottle." That's me on the left (you can tell because of my flippy hair do) and I have no idea who is on the right. In the middle there is, clearly, a bottle. It is inscribed with the word "ber." Yes, folks, I look prettiest when I'm using a beer bottle to play spin the bottle. <pause for laughter here>.....

........

Finished? Oh, not yet? One more minute then....

.....

How would you like to be making THAT phone call to the teacher??? "Hello, Mrs. X, this is Mrs. L... Zack's Mom. I was so happy to receive the book that Zack made in your class, for Mother's Day! Yes, he did do a lovely job.... However, I did want to reassure you that spin the bottle is not a game that I play..... What? Where did he get that idea? I'm sure I have no idea- maybe he heard it on the bus!" I. Wanted. To. Die. 

It did get better though.... or maybe the teachers got smarter. First, they decided that typing things up was a much better idea than having him hand write. A few years later, I got THIS poem:

Please note that I have graduated from playing spin the bottle and am now into Star Wars and making awesome cakes. Oddly enough, this note isn't dated, but I would guess 2nd or 3rd grade.

In school, he rarely read for pleasure and preferred nonfictional books (lots of pictures) to fiction (too much text.) In fact, the first series of books that caught his interest were in Scholastic's Dear America series

and then Gary Paulsen. Paulsen's books are written FOR the teenage boy, like Hatchet, Woodsrunner, etc. 

Last year was the first time he was sucked in by a series- he could not put it down. Enter, The Hunger Games. He devoured them like nothing I'd ever seen before. It brought tears to my eyes- literally- to see him so engrossed in a book.  

 

Last year, while at Gow, Zack made some major improvements in the reading/writing departments. After only one month at Gow, he sent me this card:

It isn't very legible. However, he thanks me for helping him go to Gow, for being his Mom, and being there when he needs help. I love the use of "Overall" in the last sentence. Such an academic child! The boy's handwriting is atrocious- so much so that his fundraising "thank yous" will be typed up on the computer. I wanted to save the recipients the pain of trying to decipher his work.

Finally, here is a piece that he wrote for "The Youngovian" which is published by one of the English teachers at Gow.

It might not seem like a big deal to you, the reader, but the work reflects his confidence- something that was never there before. He writes with voice (even if it is teenage boy voice) and confidence.

I look forward to watching his continued evolution. With a little more help from our friends, he will be back at Gow next year, improving by leaps and bounds once again! (Although, I suspect that the handwriting thing is a lost cause.)

As of today, our indiegogo account is up to $1210. Our goal is $5,000 and we have 60-some days to get there. We CAN do it with your help. If you aren't able to donate money, please just help spread the word- share our links with your friends!

Indiegogo:  http://www.indiegogo.com/ZackGow?a=740312
Twitter: RebeccaLaczkows
facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GetZackToGow

With your continued help, spreading the word, we can do it!!

The Starfish... and a Bat Mitzvah

This weekend, we were fortunate enough to witness our niece make her Bat Mitzvah. Being of a Christian background, it was a very enlightening experience for us. The Rabbi was very good about explaining the service, and what to expect, as we went along. However, what impressed us the most was our niece. She is an extraordinary young woman, and she and Zack have been best buddies since.... well... forever! Their similarities and differences just work well together, I guess.

Prior to the ceremony, my niece shared part of her speech with me, leaving me in AWE of her spirit, once again. As I learned, Bar or Bat Mitzvah'd youth are expected to make a Tzedakah, which is best transliterated as sacred giving, and comes from the Hebrew root for "Justice."  Our niece related Zack's educational experience with Tzedakah, and the fact that justice would be for him to have the education that he needs, as opposed to what the public schools are willing to give him.

She also talked about the tradition in Judiasm that (and I'm shaky on this, as I wasn't able to find a good online resource) wealth is meant to be shared and after 50 years, wealth should be re-distributed to avoid perpetuating the cycle of poverty. Furthermore, those who have much are expected to help those less fortunate. Rabbi Tannenbaum did expand on this, but it was a LOT to take in. He did look out into the audience and admonish (jokingly) the congregation that they are expected to give to those less fortunate.

As I sat, listening to the Rabbi and our beautiful niece who is SO wise, I was reminded of the story of the Starfish. As a teacher, I have heard this story about, oh, a million times. However, the version I have linked to, here, is one that I found version online and thought was particularly applicable to our situation.

There are days that I wonder if our fundraising objective is too small for people to believe in. This is especially true when I read stories on indiegogo and see the projects that are, globally speaking, so much bigger than ours. Yet, at the same time, I really believe that if he gets a Gow education, he will become so much MORE and be able to DO so much more, making a change in the world. Without it, he will survive and, for me, that just isn't enough. I want him to get what he needs so that he can realize his full potential and make a difference in the world

Below is the text from that Starfish link from www.ordinarypeoplechangetgeworld.com

The Starfish Story

By City Year

A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.

 

She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”

 

The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied,

 

“Well, I made a difference to that one!”

 

The old man looked at the girl inquisitively and thought about what she had done and said. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved. - adapted from the Star Thrower by Loren C. Eiseley

 

Perseverance against great odds and against the criticism of others is the very hallmark of value-based idealism, as is refusing to accept failure. The understanding that we hold in our hands the power to change a life, a mind, or a circumstance today – right now – is a powerful insight and motivator. At the same time, idealistic acts, even highly symbolic ones, have the power to inspire others to act, and sometimes in numbers significant enough to make a major or even complete impact on the problem at hand. Perhaps most inspiring of all is to witness the idealistic power of children and young people in action. The idealism of youth is a powerful force for leading change in the world. Often it is our youth who put into action values that we have instilled in them – but have failed to act on ourselves. The world, therefore, depends on the idealism of youth to lead the way.

It is Better to Give Than to Receive (most of the time, anyway)

Lest you think that I spend my entire life whining and begging...

My writing has been so focused on needs, of late, so I want to let you know that I *do* give in my daily life and I LOVE it! As I have mentioned, I am a teacher with Buffalo Schools. My school has a 94% poverty rate, and the students' needs are tremendous. Like so many, their families are short on time and money. Our school system works hard to limit the financial burdens that they put on families. My school has a uniform policy- students must wear a school shirt (navy polo) and uniform pants (navy.) This might not sound like it eases financial burdens, but the cost of two shirts is about $15 and two pair of pants from Target, about $40. Most families can get away with purchasing those 4 items, saving them money, in the long run.

However, for some families, that is even too much. My students are, almost, all refugees. They come with a couple of trash bags full of "stuff" (clothing, housewares, etc.) from their native countries. Catholic Charities and other refugee services do provide them with some basics, but they rely heavily on the kindness of others.

So, when I started at the school, last Fall,  I had a brainstorm. A co-worker mentioned to me that she tries to make sure that all of the students have winter coats, hats, gloves and boots. This led me to ask my friends and family if they might be willing to donate their "charity-bound" items to my students. Most were happy to do it... and our clothing bank was born. We made sure that every student that needed clothing items got them. At any time, students were able to come to my storage room and find items that they needed. If we didn't have it, we would ask for help from WearNShare, and they always delivered.

When I realized that students did not have toiletry items at home, I started using "super couponing" to get the items that they needed. No, I'm not one of those women you see who get 4,000 TV dinners for $0.12, but I can usually score shampoo, soap, etc for $0.25 and that little bit goes a long way.

The thing about all of this is that I LOVE giving. It probably gives me the same rush that shopping does for others. My dear husband often has to temper my enthusiasm, reminding me that we have serious financial needs of our own. His words don't keep me from giving- they just encourage me to shop even more frugally!

All of this is my way of saying that, yes, I do ask for a lot of the five readers that I have.  However, I am asking only that you share our story with YOUR five readers, and then they share, etc. until our plight gets to the right person. We are eternally grateful to all of those who have helped spread the word thus far. Every hit that we get at indiegogo (not donation, just clicking the link) moves us up the ladder for them to advertise us more frequently. So, Thank you all!

Hitting the Wall.... And Then Climbing Over It!

We have 77 days left in our campaign on indiegogo-  http://www.indiegogo.com/ZackGow?a=740312 Donations, through the site, have started to dwindle, so I continue to look for new and exciting ways to advertise.

In visiting the website for Yale's Center for Dyslexia & Creativity , I came upon a list of successful people who have dyslexia. Many of them didn't have their dyslexia diagnosed, until late in life. Largely, they seem to see this as a good thing- their perseverance, creative thinking, etc. helped make them the people that they are today. I think that it is wonderful that they were able to overcome the difficulties that their dyslexia presented!

On the other hand, I don't want Zack to be defeated by a system that, currently, does not provide appropriate accommodations for students with dyslexia. If he becomes so disheartened that he gives up altogether, I will be heartbroken. SO, I am going on another letter writing campaign. I will be sending personalized letters to each of the individuals on that list, provided I can find their contact information, and asking them to spread the word about Zack's situation and need.

My decision to do this was reaffirmed when I saw the following piece on NBC's today show...

Couple Building American Palace

If you don't have time to watch the video, here's the blurb:

New documentary “The Queen of Versailles” follows a Florida couple, David and Jackie Siegel, who set out to build the biggest house in America when the recession caused their opulent lifestyle to crumble. Jackie and filmmaker Lauren Greenfield talk about the surprising turn of events neither of them expected.

This feeds right into my "life isn't fair" issue and the fact that there are some in this country that have more money than good sense. I know that the wealthy have no obligation to do charitable works and there are, certainly, charitable organizations that would benefit more than "just" Zack from funding. However, I am disheartened by the fact that Today believed that this story was newsworthy. And, if you didn't watch the video, you will be relieved to know that the couple has recovered and are hoping to sell the home, upon completion. If they are unable to sell it, then they will just have to suffer through and live in it. The house with the bowling alley. Sad.

Really, I hope that their take away from this is that "things" will not bring them happiness, especially when times are tough! And, to that end, I am off to write some letters!

Defualt.... Default.... which one looks right?

Over this weekend, we have had the pleasure of hosting extended family for the wedding of my brother in law, Jay and his lovely bride, Claire. It has been an uplifting celebration and we are thrilled to have been a part of it. Even more thrilling, however, is the opportunity to watch Z interact and  his cognizance of spelling. "Spelling" you say? Yes, spelling. I don't recall how it came up, but over the weekend, Z tried to spell "default." His father stopped him, mid-spell, when he made an error, and corrected him. Z, looking dubious, walked over to a piece of paper and wrote the word, as his father had spelled it, and then substituted in his original spelling. Once he had done that, he was immediately able to apply the skills he's gained from RL at Gow and recognized that his father was, indeed, correct.

This might sound inconsequential to you, but, for him, it is a huge milestone. He may not be able to hear the sounds, but he can look at the word and, using the "rules" from RL, he can figure out where it's wrong and how to correct it!

And, THAT is what a GOW education will get you!

Seasons....

This month, we have a lot of festivities, involving family. My husband's brother is getting married to a wonderful woman and I am so glad to be able to call her sister.  Since my Mother-in-Law's passing, in February, we have been on auto-pilot, to some degree. During her last years with us, she was not the same woman we'd always known. Weakened by COPD, immobilized by complications from diabetes, she was not able to actively participate in family gatherings, although she was still very good at organizing and orchestrating them.

So, as we embark on the journey, the lyrics to The Byrds' song, Turn! Turn! Turn! come to mind.


To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven


As a family, we have been through every season together.


A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

We  have been through weddings, births, separations, divorces, illness and death.  Those last few have, understandably, been some of the most difficult to experience. Through it all, Mom kept us moving in the right direction, and ALWAYS had a sense of humor about everything. She could make us laugh and move on, during the most difficult of times- even her own death. Her final wish was for us to have a celebration of her life, in the form of a karaoke party. We fulfilled that wish, and I'm so glad that we did, but I also think that it may have kept me from really grieving her loss. After all, she had been so unlike herself prior to her passing that it was as if much of her was already gone.

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together


And now, we have something to celebrate.... and mourn, all at the same time. As we try to coordinate amongst the family, the various dinners, and events surrounding the wedding, I am fighting an internal battle. I am so happy for my brother in law, having found someone so special. At the same time, I am desperately sad that Mom won't be here for the completion of this chapter.  I believe that she will be there, watching it all, but it's not the same.


She was the lynch-pin that kept it all together for us. She was the matriarch and made sure that we each knew our role for any given family function. I was the salad girl. I always wondered, but never asked, if I was assigned salads because she had no faith in my cooking. Or, maybe, she realized that working full time just didn't leave me a lot of time for kitchen creativity. Or, did she recognize that cooking isn't my passion, and salad allowed me to contribute without too much "work." 


A time of war, a time of peace
A time of love, a time of hate
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing


I think that, as wives, she and I couldn't have been more different. Yet, she respected me enough to listen to what I had to say, even when she disagreed (emphatically!) However, as people, I like to think that we are quite similar.  She taught me so much about how to conduct myself, with dignity, during difficult times. Reflecting on it, I don't know that she knew how to address the loss of someone so important to me.  I wish that we'd had that conversation.

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time of peace, I swear it's not too late!


As I take on hosting the rehearsal dinner (this is an honor for me, I swear) I am overwhelmed.  I see this as the family taking a big step without Mom. It is a time to gain a new appreciation for all that she did. I guess the time to lose is just not having her there. It is a time to rend MY self-perception as "the salad girl" and sew by taking on more responsibilities. I promise to use this time to love my family for who they are and know that I hate that we have to go on without her.

As we dance and celebrate this wonderful union, I will look for signs that she is there with us. I know she wouldn't miss it for anything!

What Is Fair???

If you're a parent, you have probably heard the words, "It's NOT FAIR" a few times.... or, a few hundred times. Many times, by their definition, they are right, "IT" isn't fair. To many of us, especially as children, the word fair implies that things are equal. However, if one looks up fair at dictionary.com, we get a definition that doesn't even seem to apply in the way that kids use it. 

I suppose, the closest meaning would be the first, "free from bias." However, children generally use fair  to mean equal or everything being the same. When my children start the "it's not fair" chant, I remind them that I do not define fair, as meaning that everyone gets the same thing. For me, fair is more like the dictionary.com definition of equitable which is more about justice and being reasonable. Actually, what I say to them is (while watching their eyes roll) "Fair is not when everyone gets the same thing. Fair is when everyone gets what they need." And, I mean it! 


At work, I try to help my students have a fair existence. They don't have designer ANYthing. Most of them have one uniform shirt, one pair of shoes, one pair of pants, shorts, etc. Their families don't know where the next meal is coming from and their lives are chaos. My goal, at work, is to eliminate those outside stressors, hopefully, leveling the playing field at school. Is it fair that I give them shoes, winter coats, etc?  Not in the sense that children would use the word. I don't give EVERY one of them a winter coat, or shoes, etc. Instead, I ask them what they need and try to fill that need. All of the students in my school (not just those that I teach) know that they can come to my room to get clothing items and toiletries, as needed. If I don't have what they need, I will work to get it for them. That might mean that I have to go to a thrift store and buy it, out of pocket, or ask a charitable organization, like, Wear N Share. They are an amazing, local, organization that collects hand-me-downs and re-distributes them to students like mine. 


So, let me get to the point (Finally!) Academically, I want things to be equitable for my son. I want him to get what he NEEDS. I know that he is getting what he needs when I see him thrive. In his public school he did not thrive. In fact, his reading level decreased while using their specialized plan for him. The school no longer had faith in his ability to learn, despite the fact that he is very bright.  So, we took a chance and sent him to Gow. There, he flourished. He is a new man, in almost every sense of the word. He WILL do great things, but we have to remain vigilant. 


We will have to diligently fundraise for the rest of his high school career.  As I have mentioned, asking for money, from the public is a humbling experience. I look around and there is so much need in this world- (like my students)- that I find it difficult to ask people for money to help Zack stay in a private school. But, ask, I shall because it is what he needs. It would give him a fair education and I'm all about being fair.

Visit our fundraising website to see a video of Zack~  http://www.indiegogo.com/ZackGow?a=740312

Oh, here's a video that Zack and a classmate made for their reconstructive language class. I believe that the process is part of the multi-sensory program that helps the kids learn well.  http://www.youtube.com/my_videos_edit?ns=1&feature=vm&video_id=aa5jUqfUOzU

Beg, Borrow and Steal (& a CSE Update)

Parenthood is such an adventure. Our parenting styles differ as much as our personalities. Reflecting on my parenting career, I think about the "burning" questions that people have asked, such as, "are you going to find out the baby's sex," "Do you have a birth plan," "Cloth diapers or disposables," and my favorite...

"What would you do without or sacrifice for your child?" Throughout my kids' lives, I have given up the obvious things: alcohol during pregnancy, sleep (while nursing,) trading quiet time for back to back soccer games, etc.

It really wasn't until we started down the road of getting Zack diagnosed with dyslexia that I really understood what it meant to sacrifice for my child. As a teacher, I am used to being grilled by parents and being in the "power position." As a teacher, I always wanted my students' parents to be involved in their child's education. Of course, there were times that a parent crossed the boundary between reasonable request and petulant demand but, even then, I was glad that they cared enough to seek me out.   Our school district is supposed to be one of the best in the area, but they were very resistant to the idea of testing our son. I won't re-hash it, but if you are interested in reading about that experience, you can do so here.  When I was in the "parent" position, it was very difficult for me to ask questions, seek support and, in the end, make petulant demands that my child receive the services that he deserved.

Now, I find myself in the least "comfortable" parental position ever.  I know what he needs. I know where he can get it. The only challenge that I face is a matter of finances. Neither P nor I come from families of wealth. I teach in a public school system that has not given teachers a "raise" since 2004- and even then it didn't make up the gap since the previous raise in 1998. I LOVE my students, but the pay does not give me great joy. P is self-employed and that means that our monthly income can fluctuate quite a bit. And, frankly, there has yet to be a month where we say "woo hoo, we have EXTRA money this month!"

So, here I am, looking down the barrel of four years of tuition at the school that will most benefit my child. I have asked myself, "what are you willing to give up/do for your child?" And, I feel like I have failed, before I've even gotten started. The annual tuition is more than I make, before taxes, annually. Even if P made the SAME amount that I do, we wouldn't have that much left over for tuition. The school has been generous with their financial aid, effectively cutting the tuition in half. Even with that generosity, we are looking at $2,000 per month, plus miscellaneous fees of about $3,500 annually. What would I do for my child? Anything. I have worked in an after school program. I have TRIED to get a job teaching summer school. I sell things on ebay. I sell things on Craig's List. I coupon to the point that we don't pay for toiletries. All of those things are good. But they are not enough.

I find myself envious of Z's classmates, whose families pay full tuition and even some who have more than one child at the school. I am angry at, what I perceive to be, a convoluted financial aid program at the school.  I filled out the paperwork. I turned in our tax returns. The magic financial aid website said that we should be able to afford "x" amount, but we are now expected to come up with 6x that amount. I want to stomp my feet and shout, "It's not fair!" Then I hear my own voice saying to my children, "life isn't fair." But, I also tell them that "Fair is not when everyone gets the same thing. Fair is when everyone gets what they NEED." And, by golly, Zack needs Gow.

An education at Gow is, as one friend put it, a game changer. It isn't a matter of life and death, but it has the potential to alter his life path, significantly. So, what will I do for my child? I  will beg, borrow and steal for him. I will take to the internet and pester every organization that I can find to give him a small scholarship. I will ask my friends to give $5 and spread the word of our mission. I will do ANYTHING  within my power to get him what he needs. I will HOPE. I will have FAITH. And, I will LOVE him unconditionally with the expectation that others will follow my lead.



PLEASE. If you are reading this blog (and I know there aren't many) PLEASE share this information with your friends. Help Zack get what he needs. His future depends on it.

His fundraising website is here.

Thank you!!!

UPDATE: On June 19, 2012, we had our annual IEP meeting with Clarence. They have come a long way towards meeting Zack's needs, but still aren't where they need to be to give him what Gow can. Unfortunately, they are not obligated to meet that standard. They are only obligated to provide him with a "Free and Appropriate Public Education." With their current offer/plan, Zack would get adaptive technology and resource room. He would have consultant teachers in the core classes and they said that they would give him an Orton-Gillingham program, daily. The O-G program would probably be Wilson or Sondae, both of which are good, but they don't even hold a candle to the RL program at Gow. Unfortunately, because they have worked to meet us halfway, we do not have a legal case against them. We have consulted an attorney who specializes in this area (their son also went to Gow) and they agree that it would not be wise to pursue a suit at this time. Our best option, for district reimbursement, would be to let Z go back to Clarence, watch him fail/lose ground, and then file suit for reimbursement. That's a big gamble to take with his life and we want to avoid doing so, if at all possible.

Hope is a Funny Thing....

Our little fundraising campaign is at $300! that might not seem like such a big deal to you, but it gives me hope that we can achieve our goal!  Just that little thread of hope makes me want to keep pushing, telling our story and trying to raise awareness about dyslexia.

It is my, sincere, hope that Zack's legacy will be more than just "making it" and graduating from The Gow School. I really hope that our experience with Gow will lead to changes in the public school system.

Knowing that 80% of "LD" labeled kids in public schools have dyslexia really makes me scratch my head. Even more astonishing is that (most) public schools use programs that are unproven, in terms of their benefit to dyslexic students- especially when there are several specific programs that really WOULD benefit them. At a time when school districts are laying teachers off, due to budget cuts, it seems, statistically, intelligent to implement a program that would benefit 80% of your LD students, as well as 100% of your gen ed students. Unfortunately, districts and school boards seem hell-bent on continuing down their, already-established, paths, using programs that are already paid for- even if they don't show themselves to be particularly helpful.

So, once we get Zack's education squared away, I will be on a mission to educate districts about the reality of their student populations and the benefit that ALL students will gain from using an Orton-Gillingham based program. Such programs, used early on in the introduction to phonics, etc. might reduce the need for the "one size fits most" programs that are unsuccessfully implemented in later years when that window of opportunity has narrowed.

As much as we love The Gow School (www.gow.org) and, believe me, we do, NO ONE should have to pay private boarding school tuition for an LD that impacts so much of the public school population. I hope that our experience will show public schools that adopting an o-g based curriculum is in the best interest of students and families in their community!

View Zack's video here:  $5 Can Help Our Young Einstein