I deviate, today, from my dyslexia rants, to tell you about someone very dear to me. My Mother-in-Law was one of a kind. She passed on last week and, while I am heartbroken for those of us who are left behind, I am so happy that she is no longer locked inside of the physical body that betrayed her for so many years.
I remember, quite clearly, the first time I met, Mom. Dear Hubby (DH) brought me home to meet her while Dad was at work, so it was just the three of us and the adorable cockapoo, "Cupcake." Mom was very subtle in her appraisal of my appearance- just a quick glance up and down. The only other thing I remember is that when we left, she said, "I hope to see you again soon!" Misguided and young as I was, I thought it was my sparkling personality that won her over. As it turns out, DH had brought home a few women that Mom didn't care much for (she called one of them, "The Amazon"), and she was glad to see someone else, LOL! Regardless, just like that, I was relieved and felt welcome even though we'd only been there for half an hour. That pretty much sums up my relationship with Mom. She never met a stranger- taking in strays (animals, family friends and future daughter-in-laws) treating them with dignity and respect, always making sure that they were well-fed.
This is not to say that she didn't make me crazy. Of COURSE she did- that was her duty as a mother-in-law! However, she was always well-meaning and I eventually learned to nod, smile and then do what I pleased (generally discovering that she'd been right all along, darnit.)
Below is the small piece that I put in her memorial booklet. I put it here on my blog to honor her memory, publicly (for the 6 people that read it, LOL!)
Trying to summarize Mom in one neat, tidy paragraph is nearly impossible. Very early into my “Laczkowski experience” (and it has been an experience) I learned that she was never without words- even if she had to make them up. My favorite "Patsyism" is probably "discombooberated" which is loosely related to discombobulated for the rest of us. I can honestly say that my Mother in Law was probably (after my own parents) the most important teacher I have ever had. While she relished in telling me how things should be done, the real lessons I took from her, came from watching how she conducted herself in daily life. Here are just a few of those lessons:
1. It is important to laugh. A lot. A WHOLE lot. Especially when what you really want to do is cry. Even on her last day on earth, Mom turned tears into laughter with just a word. She knew that laughter could make almost any situation better.
2. Marriage takes cultivation. It was rare for Mom to say "no" to a request for watching the grandchildren (much to Dad's chagrin.) She would often say that date night was very important because it kept the relationship alive. After all, if you don't feed the relationship, "when your kids grow up and move out, you won't have anything to say to each other."
3. Life isn't fair. I spent (too) many years lamenting about various issues in my life. Mom would always lend a sympathetic ear, giving kind responses, find humor in the situation but in the end, she would find a way to gently (or not) remind me that life isn't fair and that I seem to be getting along just fine, so, I should probably just get over it!
4. Kids are pretty resilient- parenting doesn't come with a manual, but it's pretty tough to get it wrong if you're using common sense. Her favorite story, on this vein, was the time that the pediatrician came to the house to check on, newborn, Jay. He watched Mom timidly change a diaper and, frustrated with her delicate touch (she said she was petrified) he picked Jay up by the feet and swung him back and forth a few times, proving that the kid wouldn't break.
5. You can teach an old dog new tricks- IF the dog wants to learn. I knew Mom for 20 years and for the first 17, or so, she was a smoker. For her, smoking was more than a habit, or even an addiction. Somehow, smoking was associated with stability and calm, for her. Of course, it was the bane of the family's existence- it made our clothes smell, our eyes burn and we had the urge to step out for fresh air every 10 minutes. There's probably not a person here who didn't "suggest" (or beg) that she stop smoking, but she was adamant that she really enjoyed it. Fortunately, two years ago, something changed for her. After an intense hospitalization, she decided to quit…. Cold turkey. And that was it! As far as I know, she never had another cigarette. Of course, she did not magically become a well woman, but she stopped having coughing fits and her overall health did improve. Most importantly, I believe that quitting gave us an extra year with her and that gift was priceless.
